


Not Alone

by datleggy



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, hurt Buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 00:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21110072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy/pseuds/datleggy
Summary: Prompt: after the drama with the lawsuit Buck is back but the team are cold and distant or even hostile. Buck tries not to let it get to him but he misses them, especially Eddie who just glares at him. This treatment slowly starts to ware down Buck’s hope that they would all reconcile eventually. It leads to Buck either asking for a transfer or doing something worse. Either way the team, especially Bobby and Eddie realize they let things fester to long. Put as much angst into this as you can!





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: datleggy.tumblr.com
> 
> i love whumpy prompts :)

He's won. 

After months of tribulation and litigation he's done it. He's won, but at what cost? 

Buck is not stupid. He hadn't been expecting a very happy reunion. Not after everything. But admittedly, he hadn't been expecting the cold shoulders, the attitude, or the isolation to go on for so long, either. 

He thought maybe a week or two, they would hold onto that grudge. But after fighting fires and other emergencies together, after saving lives, just like old times, they would go back to how they used to be. A  _ family _ . 

But it has been over two months now and nothing has changed. 

Bobby barely even looks at him anymore. Like he can't stand to. He's been given all the bottom of the barrel clean up duties every shift he's worked, which he knows is on purpose; before, they used to have a chart and everyone was assigned something different on a weekly basis. 

But Buck doesn't complain. He's just happy to be back. 

Or at least, he thought he would be.

The reality of it is he's actually somehow even more miserable than he was months ago when he got his stupid injury in the first place and was told indefinitely he might not be able to return to work. 

Hen only ever talks to him if absolutely necessary. The few times he's tried to engage her in conversation outside of the field he's been blatantly ignored or been told straight out not to address her unless it's work related. 

Eddie, who Buck considers a best friend and most of all a person he doted on, before everything with the lawyers went down, routinely stops what he's doing to shoot him these scathing glares that make him want to crawl under a rock. 

If Buck enters the gym and Eddie's in there, he'll drop his weights and leave the room in the middle of a workout. 

In fact, every other firefighter in the 118 has been doing much of the same, avoiding him like the plague. 

Chimney is the only one out of everyone who is not actively rooting against him. It's not exactly like they were before. Chimney has to be subtle and limited with the interactions that they do have, lest he risk getting alienated from the rest of the team right along with Buck.

Buck is pretty sure Chimneys small kindnesses are the only reason he's lasted these two long months, at all. 

No one tells him directly not to bother showing up to the table at dinner time but the vibe is very clear. He is not welcome. 

Chimney not so sneakily sneaks him plates and brings them to Buck's bunk, where it feels like he spends most of his down time in the fire station lately. 

One day he walks into the locker room only for everyone occupying it to leave, someone "accidentally" shoving him on his way out. 

But Chimney stays so Buck asks him.

"Why are you being so nice to me? Everyone else hates me." 

Chim frowns, a look of sympathy crossing his face. "Buck they don't hate you. They just...they're being stubborn morons." He sits next to him. "And this place, for a very long time this place and the people in it were the only thing I had. Until Maddie. So I understand why you did what you thought you had to. The others just need time. They'll come around. I promise." 

Buck is a little reassured by the older mans words and continues to wait for that to happen, keeping his head down in the meanwhile, afraid to cause any more waves.

  
  


Another week goes by and nothing changes. But Buck is determined to get his family back. 

He hates looking at social media lately.

On Instagram, he sees photos of the team celebrating Bobby and Athena's one year anniversary at their home this past weekend. Everyone looks so happy.

He sees Christopher in a few of the posts and his heart literally aches in his chest. 

He misses Christopher so much. He knows the kids birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and the thought of not being invited to yet another gathering where his friends and family will be makes him nauseous. 

He feels somehow more alone now than he did when he was unable to talk to the crew for legal reasons.

More time passes and Buck waits. His attempts at trying to talk to them, to apologize, to join them, lessen with every rejection on their part. 

Maddie is so busy with work that Buck has no one to really talk to. He feels terribly alone. 

But this is where he belongs, right?

He fought so hard and so long for this.

  
  


A month later, it happens. 

The 118 is called in to do an evacuation drill at an elementary school. 

Bobby gives out orders, separating his crew into teams of two, and surprise surprise Buck is the only one man team out of the bunch. Again. 

He's left to check the decrepit old annex building at the back of the school by himself. It's rarely used, so more than likely it’s empty. 

But it doesn't deter Buck from doing his job right, and checking every crook and cranny of the place for anyone who has yet to evacuate. He only has one more room and then the basement to check out and he’s done. 

The room has caution tape over the door. But it looks as if it's been disturbed recently. There's a sizable hole twenty feet into the room. It's probably the reason why the caution tape is there in the first place, Buck thinks.

"This is Buck from the LAFD, is anybody in here?" He takes one step into the room and the floor creaks loudly beneath his weight. It’s Buck's only warning before the wooden board collapses from right under his heel. "_Shit_!" 

He falls through the floor and lands  _ hard  _ on his left shoulder. He feels it the moment it dislocates out of place. And it hurts like hell.

Buck groans but manages to sit up, holding his arm against his side stiffly. 

There, in the distance, right under where Buck had originally spotted the hole on the floor, is a child's body. It's a little girl and she's clearly unconscious. 

Buck immediately goes to radio for help. She must have snuck in either before or during the evacuation drill and been the one who created the hole in the floor upstairs. 

He clicks his radio on and instead of the usual static he hears nothing. "What the hell?" Buck quickly realizes his radio is drained. It makes no sense. He knows for a fact that he put new batteries in just this morning. He checks the back of his radio and goes cold with the dreadful apprehension that someone replaced his new batteries with old, obviously rusted ones. 

He can’t bring himself to believe that anyone would do something so reckless. He knows full well he's not the most liked person at the station right now. But this is crossing a serious line. 

He takes his phone out from his utility belt to call for help, only to be made aware of the damage it sustained during the fall. It’s useless. "Dammit!" 

Buck is on his own. 

He struggles to get up. There's a pain in his side that he should probably address, but for now he needs to ignore it. He focuses his attention on the child instead.

Unlike Buck, whose landing consisted of a cement floor, the little girl landed on a haphazardly placed pile of old gymnasium mats. 

He lowers himself and takes her pulse. It's strong and steady. The problem is the giant lump on her head. She's knocked out cold and most definitely has a concussion. Thankfully that's all that seems to be wrong with her, besides a few bruises and scratches on her bare knees and face. He doesn't want to move her without a neck brace, just in case there's something wrong with her spine. Buck uses smelling salts in hopes that they wake her up. 

They do the trick instantly. She almost knocks him on the head with how quickly she sits up.

She holds her head. "It hurts!" She cries. 

Buck breathes out a sigh of relief. She's conscious and moving. Both very good signs."Hey, I know, I know, you got a pretty big bump on your noggin, kid. But I'm gonna get you out of here. Do you remember what happened?" 

She sniffles. "Got dared. But then the floor just…" She starts to cry again. "I fell and they all ran away and left me!" 

Buck can relate. "Shh, shh, it's gonna be ok hon. My name is Buck, I’m a firefighter, and I’m gonna get you out of here. C'mere." She crawls into his arms, sobbing softly now. 

"It's dark in here." She buries her little head into his shoulder. 

It's his dislocated shoulder, and Buck has to bite his tongue to keep from crying out and frightening her even more. 

Walking up the basement steps is more work than it should be, even with the added weight of a third grader. Buck doesn't let himself think about why that is.

"Has anyone seen Buck?" Bobby frowns, looking into the crowd of firefighters, children and teachers for the familiar blonde head. 

Hen starts looking too, "No, actually. Where did you send him, anyway?" 

"To check the annex in the back. The principal said it should be empty. He should've been done by now." 

Chim shrugs. "Radio him." 

Bobby nods, doing just that. But all that he receives back is static from the channel. 

Eddie volunteers. "You want me to go see what's taking so long?" 

Bobby shakes his head. "It's fine. He's probably dawdling." There’s a good chance Buck is upset at having gotten stuck doing the grunt work, for the millionth time since coming back. Bobby feels a bit guilty about it, if he's honest with himself. He’s starting to think that maybe it's time he stops giving the kid the silent treatment and tries to hash it out with him, instead.

He's not exactly proud of his own behavior these past few months. 

“Oh my god! Where is she?” 

Bobby looks over to where the panicked cry came from and sees a teacher recounting the kids in her class frantically. “Ma’am, is everything alright?” 

She shakes her head in alarm. “Brianna Parker, she’s one of my kids. She’s not here! I can’t find her, oh god.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find her.” he and the rest of the crew are in the middle of giving out assurances, when several of the children in the teachers’ class start screaming “Miss Gill! Look, she’s right there! It’s Bri!” pointing their tiny fingers behind them. 

Bobby is the first to turn around and is flabbergasted by the appearance of one Evan “Buck” Buckley, who looks an absolute mess, with splinters in his hair and a fine coating of dust on his uniform, holding the missing little girl in his arms. 

A brief moment passes before Bobby shakes off his stupor and radios for an ambulance. The 118 was here for an evacuation drill, so their ambulance is still at the station. This situation was not what they came prepared for. 

After that it’s a chaotic mess of teachers crying relieved tears, children trying to see what’s going on, contacting parents, and then of course the ambulance itself arriving on the scene. 

The girl cries when she’s taken from Bucks’ arms, but he calms her down with kind, soft words, and eventually she lets the paramedics take her to a hospital.

Once everything has finally settled down and the children and staff are all headed back into the building, Bobby is finally able to address Buck without too much of an audience. 

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?” 

Buck takes a step back, wincing. “What?” 

“I know you’re trying to prove yourself, and it’s nice that you were able to play hero today, good for you. But this is a  _ team _ . If you are ever in a situation like that again you radio for help!” Bobby yells. 

“Fuck you!” Buck screams right back, so angry he can feel his blood boiling. 

“Woah!” Chim’s eyes go wide as saucers. 

Hen covers her mouth, speechless, with Eddie beside her almost mimicking the expression of shock on her face. 

Bobby’s face turns thunderous. “What did you just say to me?” 

“I said ‘ _ fuck you _ ’. I’m done. I’m transferring out first thing tomorrow.” Buck takes his utility belt with the defective radio off and tosses it on the ground. “This little radio prank wasn’t funny. I can’t do this anymore.” he turns in the opposite direction and walks away without so much as a backward glance, ignoring the Captain calling his name. 

  
  


It’s only two blocks to the bus stop from the school, but it might as well be ten miles with the way his arm and side are throbbing.

The bus takes forever to get there and even longer to get him home. He sits all the way in the back, holding his arm miserably the entire time.

When he gets to his apartment he sheds his clothes on his way to the bathroom, leaving discarded pieces of his uniform on the floor, until he’s standing in front of his mirror, naked except for his boxers and socks.

There’s a small scratch right above his birth mark he hadn’t noticed until now.

The whole left side of his chest and right under his rib cage is an array of stark, hideous bruising. It’s a wonder he made it home in one piece.

Buck can’t do much about it, besides put ice on it later. But he can fix the dislocated shoulder. It’s just going to hurt like a motherfucker.

He doesn’t bother preparing himself for it, knowing he’ll chicken out if he thinks too long about it. He slams his shoulder against his bathrooms’ granite counter and cries out in pain when the ligament slides back into place. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” he’s sweating bullets and breathing like he just ran a marathon.

The room is spinning but he knows that will pass soon, he just needs to stand still for a minute.

When everything stops moving, he takes a shower and decides to crash on his couch, afterwards. He doesn’t think he can make it upstairs to his bed.

Moving hurts too much. 

Buck throws on a pair of drawers but the exertion of finding a tee shirt and shorts isn’t worth it right now, so he goes without.

He lies down on the sofa and buries his face in the cushion. He could handle the cold shoulders and the silent treatments, he could deal with not being invited to parties or outings with the rest of the team, and even the mean looks and the even meaner talk behind his back at the station.

He could cope with it all because he believed Chimney when he said that they just needed time to heal and move on. Knowing there was hope, some type of light at the end of the tunnel? That’s what has kept Buck going all this time. 

But he was fooling himself. 

They sent him on a solo mission without the promise of backup...and then for Bobby to have mocked him about it afterwards?  _ You got to play hero, good for you. _

Buck thought they were family. A real family would  _ never  _ do that. Right? 

Buck chokes on a sob he’s not expecting and the floodgates open without warning. He cries and cries and cries until he can barely breathe and then cries some more, absolutely heartbroken. 

With his phone busted, he can’t even call Maddie. 

There’s no one. 

He’s alone. 

Buck curls in on himself and eventually, worn out from sobbing and hurting, he falls into a restless sort of sleep. 

  
  


It’s dark outside and there’s a knocking on his door. An insistent knocking. 

Buck has trouble sitting up, his entire side and shoulder protesting enormously at the move. 

He’s sure Chim has told Maddie by now and that’s her knocking on his door at--he squints at the clock on his wall--half past midnight. 

“I’m comin’, relax.” he opens the door and almost closes it right in Bobby’s face. 

And not just Bobby--Eddie is there too, standing beside the Captain. 

“Jesus, Buck.” Bobby gasps, seeing the extent of his injuries from the fall for the first time today. 

“What do you want?” Buck tightens his grip on the doorknob anxiously. 

“Can we come in?” Eddie asks tentatively. 

“No.” It kills Buck to say that, especially considering the fact that yesterday he would have cried from happiness if anyone from the team--most especially Eddie--came over for a visit. But he’s tired of letting everyone treat him like crap. 

Bobby cuts in, “Buck we really need to talk.  _ Please _ . If you want us to leave at any point we’ll go, no arguments.” 

Buck stares at the pair impassively for a long time before relinquishing. “Fine. Just give me a minute.” he closes the door and somehow makes it upstairs to his bedroom. 

He finds a pair of old sweats and throws them on. It’s not like Bobby or Eddie haven’t seen him half-naked before, but having his injuries on full vivid display feels a touch too vulnerable right now. 

He lets the two men in after changing and they sit awkwardly in his living room. 

“Did you go to the hospital to get checked out? You took a lot of damage.” Bobby says, breaking the stifling silence. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re really not.” 

“What do you care?” 

Bobby reels back, “Is that really what you think? That I don’t care? The only reason I kept you off the team is  _ because _ I care! But you’re stubborn and impulsive and you decided to go over my head. How the hell did you expect me to take that?” 

Buck grits his teeth. “How did I expect  _ you  _ to take it? How did you expect  _ me  _ to? Why couldn’t you have talked to me or told me before deciding to stab me in the back?” 

“I was doing it for your own good! And I was going to tell you, how is it my fault that Athena invited you over without asking me?” 

“You had plenty of opportunity to tell me. You could have taken me aside, anything but that! Do you know how humiliating it was for me? I felt ambushed. Bobby I trusted you, I thought you would be there for me! Instead you went behind my back and when I finally clawed my way back in, by  _ myself _ , you and the rest of the team act like I don’t exist.” Buck looks away, clenching the armrest. “I just wanted you guys back.” 

Bobby looks away, too. "I was scared of losing you. You mean so much to me Buck, more than you know. I was being overprotective, and I knew the second you found out it was me keeping you from joining the team again that you would hate me, and I couldn't handle it. That's why I didn't tell you earlier. But that…" he sighs. "That wasn't fair to you. And even worse, the way I've been treating you since you came back is deplorable. You don’t deserve it, Buck. I let my own hurt and pride get in the way. I swear I didn’t mean for any of it to go this far." 

Buck shifts uncomfortably. “Well it did.” 

“I know. We found the people responsible for your radio malfunction.” Bobby turns serious. “Jenkins and Petrosiski were fired effective immediately this afternoon. We caught them on the cameras earlier today, just before we got called to the school, messing with your equipment.” 

Buck nods. “Good.” It doesn’t make him feel any better, though. It still happened and he’s still shaken up about it. That’s not changing any time soon. He doesn’t want to ask, but he has to know. “So you didn’t know?” 

“ _ God, no _ . I would never--” Bobby shakes his head, dismayed that the thought would ever cross Bucks’ mind. He stops himself and takes responsibility. “But it is my fault that this happened. I’m the Captain, and the way I’ve treated you since you came back only encouraged their actions. This was no harmless hazing, Buck, this could have been so much worse, and when I think about what could have happened...” he pauses, gulping hard. “I can’t lose you Buck. I’m so sorry I let it get this bad.” 

Buck exhales, wincing at the ache in his side. 

Eddie cringes in sympathy. “Buck, you should really go to the hospital.” 

“Yeah, probably. I’m gonna, in the morning--but right now I’m tired. You guys know where the door is.” 

“Buck--” Bobby starts. 

“You said you’d leave, no arguments, when I asked. I’m asking. Please go.” Buck doesn’t budge. 

Bobby sighs. “You’re right. I’m sorry. We’ll go.” 

Eddie looks at the Captain, incredulous. “I’m not going anywhere. Buck, let me take you to the hospital; you need x-rays.” 

“You don’t have to pretend to be my friend just because I got injured on the field. I’ll be fine. You can go.” Buck says dismissively. 

Eddie stands up and shoots him a scathing glare, one so reminiscent of the dirty looks he’s been getting for the last three months Buck inches back in his seat. “You’re an  _ asshole _ . I never stopped being your friend. You’re the one who started this lawsuit bullshit in the first place and refused to talk to any of us. You wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, you never even bothered to ask about Christopher--he struggled so much because of the tsunami and his mom passing and you didn’t give a shit, you just cared about getting your job back, so fuck the rest of us who needed you, right?” 

Buck feels tears prickling at the edge of his eyes. “That’s not--I didn’t--I just wanted my family back, I didn’t think--” 

“You didn’t  _ think _ . I know. And you know what, I get it, I get that this isn’t just a job to you, that it’s who you are, and the people you work with mean a hell of a lot to you, but even when you didn’t have this job, you still had  _ us _ . 

“Me and Christopher were always on your side Buck, I thought you knew that. I thought we were enough family for you, and then you had to go and close off all communications between us? Like we were in your way or something. How the hell do you think that made me feel? You’re my best friend Buck.” Eddie looks heartbroken and angry and lost all at the same time. 

Buck swallows back a sob in his throat. He’d been so furious and hurt, he’d impulsively started the process and the wheels had turned so quickly he hadn’t known how to stop, and hadn’t considered how his legally imposed isolation might have affected anyone but himself at the time. “I’m sorry.” his voice cracks unevenly. “I was jealous.” he admits. 

“Jealous of what?” 

“Bosko. When I saw my name taped over with hers, and how easily she fit into the team, when I saw how well you two were getting along...I realized I was being replaced. I was so jealous I couldn’t see straight. I was pissed at you for--” Buck stops himself. 

“For what?” Eddie moves closer. 

“Nothing. Never mind.” Buck gets up off the couch so that he can move away from the other firefighters. He’s not going to make an even bigger fool of himself today by confessing his unrequited feelings for Eddie in front of Bobby. There’s only so much humiliation a man can take.

“Tell me.” 

“I’m not--God, can you just go already? Please?” Buck feels winded all of a sudden, like he’s been running up and down the stairs to his bedroom throughout this entire conversation. 

“Why can’t you just talk to me? You’re so stubborn!” 

“You’re the stubborn one!” Buck breathes out. His side is on fire. 

Eddie scoffs. “That’s rich, really, I can’t--”

Abruptly, Buck makes a little noise of pain and leans against the couch, holding his side. 

Eddie and Bobby rush to him instantaneously. “What’s wrong?” 

"Can't breathe.” he says, gasping for little bursts of air. 

“I’m calling an ambulance.” Bobby dials 9-1-1 without waiting for a response.

This time Buck doesn’t argue against the decision. He tries to breathe through the pain, but is finding it very hard to do, his lungs uncooperative. “Hurts.” he whimpers, scrunching his eyes closed. 

Eddie reaches over to take his pulse. Fast and thready. “Do you feel lightheaded?” 

Buck nods, short of breath. “Kinda’.” 

Bobby curses on the phone and hangs up. “Help isn’t coming. There’s been a huge pile-up on 440. We’re gonna’ hafta take my truck, c’mon.” 

Together they help get Buck inside the Captains’ vehicle. Eddie rides with him in the back. “Shh, shh, it’s ok, we’re almost there Buck.” he assures him, smoothing his hair back gently. 

By the time they arrive, Buck is shaking with the exhaustion of trying to catch his breath and the severe pain in the pit of his stomach. “M’gonna throw up.” he mutters, once they’re parked.

It’s only thanks to Eddie’s quick reflexes that Buck is able to vomit outside of the car, and not in the interior of it. There’s blood all over the parking lot gravel and on the front of his tee shirt after he’s finished. 

It jars Bobby to see him coughing up blood like this again; it reminds him too much of what started this whole mess in the first place. He desperately hopes it’s not another blood clot.

A nurse sees the three men walk in through the ER doors, Buck barely standing and covered in blood, between the two firefighters, and calls for a gurney. 

  
  


Several hours later Buck wakes up to the smell of disinfectant and the sight of four stark white walls. 

“Bobby?” 

Bobby straightens himself on the creaky chair. “Hey, be careful not to move around right now. You came out of surgery less than an hour ago.” 

“Wha’ happened?” 

“You sustained two broken ribs from the fall yesterday; one of them punctured your spleen and caused blood to fill in your stomach so they had to operate to repair the damage and drain the blood. The doctor said you should be fine as long as you get some rest and try not to over do it for a few weeks, four minimum.” 

“Yesterday?” Buck looks at the clock on the wall and blinks. It’s nearly seven in the morning. “Eddie?” 

“He left Christopher at Hens’ place last night before coming with me to your apartment. After you pulled through surgery Eddie went to go pick him up so he could get the kid ready for school. He said he’d be back after he drops him off.” 

Buck nods, still hazy from the anesthesia. “Thanks for bringing me here. Didn’t realize it was that bad.” 

Bobby sighs profoundly. “Thank Eddie. If I’d listened to you and left, I don’t know that you’d have made it here in one piece, kid. I’m glad you’re gonna’ be ok.” 

“Bet you’re glad you don’t gotta’ see my face for the next four weeks.” Buck half-mumbles. At least something good came out of this. 

“Buck, I know I’ve been less than welcoming,” Bobby cringes at the understatement. “I was upset about the path you chose to take but I’m still your Captain, and more than that, we are family, you and I. 

“I shouldn’t have lashed out the way I did, when all was said and done. We should have been able to have a mature conversation about all of this. But instead I decided to act childishly and ignore you and give you all the grunt work and punish you by excluding you from any group activities. 

“It’s no wonder Jenkins and Petrosiski thought it was alright for them to do that to you, with the way their own Captain was acting. It’s no excuse, of course. Anyone with half a brain would know never to pull that shit. But I know my behavior certainly didn’t help deter that crap.” 

Buck doesn’t know what to say. He’s exhausted after the impromptu surgery, so his brain isn’t exactly running on all cylinders. Eddie would playfully tease him that it never was, if he were here. 

“I love being a firefighter. I feel like it’s what I was born to do. When I thought that I might never get to do this again, I wanted to die. You all have lives outside of the 118, people you get to come home to every night. 

“I don’t have that. Sometimes I think I never will. But I had a purpose and I had you guys, who I got to see almost on a daily basis at the station, and I got to have home cooked meals with everyone and so I didn’t mind coming home to an empty apartment. 

“But suddenly I didn’t have any of that. I’d gotten dumped. Maddie was always busy with work. I got to see you guys once in a blue moon for a whole 5 minutes if I was lucky. It felt like I was in the way, anytime I went to visit you guys at the station, like I was some burden you were all putting up with. I hated it. 

“I just wanted to go back to the way it used to be, but I fucked it all up and ended up more alone than I was before.” Buck hastily wipes away the tears he can’t keep in, chest heaving. 

“Shh, it’s alright, I promise you’re not alone, Buck. I’m here. I was being an idiot, and I’m so so sorry, but I’m here now.” Bobby stands over his youngest firefighter and rests a comforting hand over the crown of his head. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry.” 

Buck sniffs. “You don’t hate me?” It’s embarrassing, how babyish the question sounds, but he needs to make sure and he’s too tired to phrase it any other way. 

Bobby shakes his head. “I never did, Buck. I was being a stubborn ass.” 

Buck wipes another tear. “Me too. I’m sorry.” Bobby’s hand, with its many callouses and tiny imperceptible scars from years of fighting fires, is warm and grounding in his hair. He closes his eyes and quickly opens them again, fearing the moment he goes back under he’ll wake up only to realize this has all been some cruel dream of his. 

“Buck, I told you, I’m not leaving you alone. Not again. So you can rest easy, because I’m staying right here. You can go to sleep.” Bobby says, reading his mind like always. 

Buck’s eyelids are getting heavier and heavier, and it’s getting harder to fight against the sleep he so desperately needs. 

  
  


Three days later Buck is ready to be discharged. The doctor gives him strict instructions to rest as much as humanly possible in the coming weeks and avoid any strenuous physical activity. 

Hen and Eddie had come on the first day after dropping their kids off at school, to visit, and Hen had sworn up and down that she was sorry but had made it clear she still thought he was an idiot.

She’d said, “Just because you’re a dumbass doesn’t mean I wasn't acting like a dumbass, too. I was pissed at you for the whole lawsuit thing, and then I was pissed that you were ignoring my calls, and after months of being pissed, when you came back, I couldn’t find it in me to let go of that grudge. It was like I couldn’t turn it off. 

“And so I just did what everyone else was doing and ignored you and let it slide when you were being treated unfairly, because it felt good to give you a taste of your own medicine. But I had tunnel vision. I didn’t account for the fact that you being forced to cut us out of your life during the lawsuit hearings had already made you miserable enough. 

“I only thought of how I felt.” 

She’d sighed loudly. “When I first started working with the 118 the Captain hated my guts and treated me like shit, and I never saw anyone actively stand up for me. Chimney’s the only one who would even talk to me. 

“The situations might be different but man, I remember being so isolated at the 118 and thinking maybe I’d made a mistake and I didn’t belong there, even after all the hard work I put into getting to where I was.” she’s shaken her head sadly. “I’m sorry I let you feel the same way, Buck. I was being so overprotective of Bobby I didn’t let myself see that I was failing to protect my little bro the whole time.” 

It was easier to forgive Hen than it had been to forgive Bobby, if Buck was being honest with himself. 

He wonders now if it’ll be the same with Eddie. Eddie had come back to visit every single day since, and in fact was supposed to come pick him up in a half an hour to bring him home today, but they hadn’t continued their conversation--if one could call it that--from the night he was brought into the ER. 

Buck could only think to take it as a good sign that the day before Eddie had finally let Buck see Christopher again. Oh how he’d missed that boy. 

There’s a creak near his door and Buck looks up, surprised to see Captain Nash standing there. “Oh, hey, what’re you doing here?” 

Bobby shrugs. “I know Maddie’s been really busy lately, I thought I’d give you a lift home. You’re being discharged today, right?” 

Buck nods. “Oh, um, yeah, but Eddie said he’d come get me.” 

As if right on cue Eddie turns up right behind the older firefighter. “Cap?” 

Bobby turns around. “I didn’t know he had a ride, I came to offer.” he explains sheepishly. 

Eddie laughs. “Oh, well, I already called dibs so…” 

Buck snorts. “You can’t call dibs on a person.” 

“Can too, and I did.” he says, making his way inside. 

Bobby grins. “Right, well, I’m already here, I’ll help you two get downstairs at least. I’ll go get a nurse so she can get us a wheelchair.” 

After the discharge paperwork is signed and Buck is cleared, Bobby wheels him out, Eddie a couple of steps behind, lugging Bucks’ bag of toiletries and extra clothes. Buck insists he doesn’t need help getting into Eddie’s van but they stand at either side of him just in case, anyway. 

“Alright, text me when you’re home safe. I’ll be over later with some food. You’re too skinny.” 

Buck rolls his eyes, but can’t wipe the smile off his face. “Yes dad.” 

Bobby smiles warmly. “I’ll see you later.” he hugs him goodbye, thanks Eddie and takes his leave. 

  
  


They make it to Buck’s apartment and Buck starts to say bye when they get to the door, because he can handle it from here, but Eddie just strolls right in, dumps his bag on the kitchen counter and looks at him. 

“We need to talk.” 

Buck nods slowly in agreement. "Yeah." 

"You know how I said before that I get why you did what you did but I was still angry because that meant Christopher and I weren't enough for you?" 

Buck nods, looking down. 

"I was lying. I don't get it. I've always had something outside of what I was doing for work, even when I was in Afghanistan I had Shannon and Christopher waiting for me. My parents, my abuela. 

"And I wasn't being fair. I thought because you knew we were there that I could just expect you to wait until I wasn't working double shifts and Christopher was with Carla or at school or with my abuela and I didn't consider how lonely that must have been for you. I kept thinking you were being selfish. 

"But you just wanted your family back. And that includes me and Christopher. But I couldn't see that at the time." 

Buck grimaces. "You're right though. I was being selfish. I wanted my place back and I wanted you guys back so bad that I didn't stop to think about how my actions would affect the rest of you. Especially Christopher. I wanted to reach out so many times, just drop the whole thing--I should have. I'm sorry." 

Eddie sighs. "I'm sorry too Buck. I should have just told you how I felt when you came back but I just, I'd let the anger fester for so long. I didn't want to say anything I would regret, so I just thought ignoring you would be better. That was stupid." 

Buck feels like all the tension he's been carrying for months now is suddenly gone and it makes him dizzy with relief. He sways in place and Eddie is on him immediately. "Woah, hey, shit, I'm a dumbass, this could have waited til you were feeling better. C'mere, sit." He leads him to the couch apprehensively. 

"No, I'm really glad you didn't wait. I've hated not having you and Christopher in my life. I umm…" he lets Eddie fluff the decorative pillows around him without complaint as he tries to gather his thoughts. 

He's quiet for too long because Eddie notices. "You ok?" 

"Yeah, no, I'm good. I just," he bites his lip. "I have something to say and I've wanted to say this for a while now but it's... I don't know how you'll react so I've been too scared to say it. And it's been so long I don't even know what's going on in your life anymore so--" 

Eddie puts his hand on the side of Bucks face. "Breathe." He says, smiling nervously. "I uh, I think I know what you're gonna say." 

Buck blinks. "I doubt that." 

Eddie leans in a little closer. Buck is now hyper aware of the hand still lingering on his cheek. It's warm and his thumb is grazing the edge of his lips and Bucky leans in too, holding his breath. 

Slowly their faces inch closer and closer together until their foreheads are touching and Buck can feel Eddies breathe and is he really doing this? Is this really happening? His heart is about to leap out of his chest. 

"I've wanted to kiss you for  _ so _ long." Eddie murmurs, his lips brushing against Bucks when he speaks. 

It's electric. Buck can't help himself. He grabs the back of Eddies head and pulls him in, closing that final distance between them, at last. 

They kiss passionately, holding onto each other almost desperately, like it's their first and last. "Fuck, Eddie." Buck practically crawls on top of the other man. There's a need burning in the pit of his stomach he's been ignoring for way too long now. 

Eddie puts his hands around his waist, sending tingles up Bucks spine. Buck can feel how hard he is under him. In a moment of daring, he grinds down on him, and is rewarded with a stifled groan. 

Unfortunately that's when his body decides to remind him that he is not up for any kind of physical activity for the time being. 

He bites back a whimper and curls over Eddie, cursing. 

"Crap, Buck," Eddie carefully untangles their bodies and helps him lay down. "You ok?" 

Buck nods, breathless. "Besides the fact that I can't jump your bones? Yeah." 

Eddie laughs. "Plenty of time for that later." 

"Yeah?" 

Eddie nods. He turns serious. "Listen, I don't want just, you know, something physical with you Buck. I want a relationship. And if that's not what you want, then I understand, because it's a lot, with me and with--" 

Buck interrupts with a very soft peck. "That's what I want, too." 

Eddie clears his throat, ears going red. "Good. I need to go pick up Christopher but um, maybe after we can…?" 

"Come over?" Buck finishes. "I'd like that. Bobby will probably be over soon with way too much food." 

"Great, we can all have dinner together, then." Eddie leans down to give Buck a kiss goodbye, one that lasts for longer than he meant it to, but it's a miracle he can keep his hands to himself at all, so Eddie thinks he can be excused. "I'll see you soon. Call me if you need anything." 

Buck grins. "Anything?" 

Eddie rolls his eyes, smiling exasperatedly. "You're twelve." 

"Nuh uh." 

"Yeah huh." Eddie kisses him one more time, just because he can, before leaving. 

A few minutes later Buck decides to text Chimney and Maddie on the group chat. 

_ Eddie kissed me  _

Chimney is the first to reply. 

_ Damn. That means i owe Hen $20. I thought u two wouldn't get it together until January :(  _

Maddie texts back soon after. 

_ FINALLY 😒😊❤ _

Buck laughs. 

_ Lol u guys suck idk why i talk to either of u  _

Almost in sync they both answer with a: 

_ Bc u love us  _

Buck stares at his new phone and smiles. Yes, he does love them. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading <3


End file.
